Have you ever felt the need to “fix” everyone else’s problems or found yourself prioritizing others’ needs over your own to the point of burnout? I’m excited to welcome back Terri Cole, a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and global empowerment coach who has become a leading voice in helping people reclaim their boundaries and break free from the cycles of codependency. Her new book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, offers a compassionate roadmap for identifying and transforming the patterns that keep us stuck, empowering readers to prioritize their own needs, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate relationships rooted in mutual respect and authenticity.

Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency: Insights on Boundaries, Self-Care, and Authentic Relationships with Terri Cole

In this episode, Terri explains the irony of high-functioning codependency—how being chronically “fine” can actually be a symptom of unhealthy boundaries. She sheds light on why certain behaviors, often rooted in childhood adaptations, become maladaptive in adulthood—and how they sabotage our well-being. Through her compassionate, no-nonsense approach, she’ll show us how to stop seeking external validation, start valuing our own feelings, and recognize that it’s okay to not be everything to everyone.

We’ll dive into how codependency is often an unconscious attempt to control others’ outcomes, the hallmark traits of high-functioning codependents, and why learning to care for yourself as deeply as you care for others is the ultimate act of self-love. Terri also shares powerful advice for checking in with your high-functioning friends, confronting existential loneliness, and how to switch from “fixing” to truly supporting others. She breaks down what it really means to hold space for someone and offers practical strategies for setting boundaries, navigating difficult conversations, and building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Tune in and learn the biggest accelerators to your mental health!

(00:04:20) What is High Functioning Codependency?

• 10. Becoming a Boundary Boss with Terri Cole
• 16. The Big Silence LIVE: New York City with Terri Cole & Dale Moss
• 54. From Burnout to Balance: Navigating High-Functioning Codependency with Terri Cole
• Read: Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High Functioning Codependency by Terri Cole
• What is codependency versus high functioning codependency?
• The behaviors of a high functioning codependent
• How codependency develops
• How can we identify caretaking versus being codependent?

(00:14:21) Uncovering Signs of a HFC & The Root of Codependency

• Surprising situations where you can be a high functioning codependent
• Hallmark signs you’re a high functioning codependent
• How we learn to prioritize other people
• Are women more codependent than men?
• How you can become codependent because of a dysfunctional relationship with a father figure

(00:25:51) The Real Cost of Codependency & Stopping the Cycle

• How codependency can lead to burnout
• The real cost of high functioning codependency and how to stop the cycle
• The path to recovering from high functioning codependency

(00:33:01) The Key to Healing Loneliness & Holding Space

• Advice for checking in with your high functioning friends
• Confronting existential loneliness
• How to switch from fixing to providing support
• What holding space actually means

(00:41:04) How to Change Codependent Patterns & Prioritize Yourself

• Two things you can do to change your codependent pattern
• Why HFCs can attract narcissists
• How to practice self-consideration
• Podcast: Terri Cole Show
• Why mindfulness is important for HFC recovery
• HFC Starter Kit: terricole.com/hfc

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Guest Info:

• Website: terricole.com
• Instagram: @terricole
• Podcast: Terri Cole Show
• Read: Too Much by Terri Cole

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“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Producer, Bobby Goldstein.