What if being "too nice" is actually a compulsion you've mistaken for a personality trait?

In this candid episode of The Big Silence, Karena Dawn sits down with psychotherapist, boundary expert, and bestselling author Terri Cole to unpack what she calls High Functioning Codependency, the pattern that makes even the most capable, high achieving people among us the ones least likely to recognize they're struggling. From childhood conditioning to the physical toll of always being "fine," Terri breaks down why doing it all for everyone else is costing you everything.

(01:03) The Real Definition of High Functioning Codependency

• Some of the most capable, high-achieving women reject the word "codependent" the moment it's suggested

• The subtle sign Terri looks for that has nothing to do with being an enabler or "codependent no more"

• Karena's gut reaction realizing she fits a pattern she never saw in herself

(08:16) Caretaker or Codependent? Where to Draw the Line

• The uncomfortable question Terri asks clients before they take on anything for someone else

• Why Karena's childhood memory of her dad picking up hitchhikers says more about safety than kindness

• The real reason HFCs feel responsible for things that were never theirs to fix

(22:07) The Cost Nobody Talks About

• The physical toll Terri has seen after nearly three decades of treating HFCs, and it's not just burnout

• Why "existential loneliness" can hit even when you're surrounded by people who love you

• The pendulum swing Terri sees play out in almost every client's cycle

(37:05) Breaking the Pattern Without Losing Yourself

• The two questions to ask before saying yes to anything, straight from the book

• Why narcissists and high functioning codependents are drawn to each other like a hand and glove

• The line Karena's mother told her about receiving help that changed everything

• What's actually waiting on the other side of recovery, and why Terri calls it liberation

Guest Resources

• Terri's Free High Functioning Codependency toolkit (https://www.terricole.com/hfc/)

• Follow Terri on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/terricole/)

• Visit her website (https://terricole.com)

• Listen to The Terri Cole Show (https://terricole.com/itunes)

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